The memoirs of a greasy git
by purple-papoose
Summary: The diary of the one and only S.Snape.Learn about the trials and troubles he faces...mainly potty,weasel,thickheaded students etc...R n R


**disclaimer-**nope.i dont own HP..If i did Sirius and Remus would be still alive.

**Chapter 1- Potty's arriving**

**In bedroom quarters**

What fun.

The old coot refused me the defense position. the barmy old man thinks I am more suitable for potions. sneer…thinks I might slip into my old ways again…as if I would randomly curse every student…only the Gryffindorks.

Instead he gives the position to p-p-pr-professor q-q-qui-quirell.u heard right. a stutterer. It took the twerp ten whole minutes to just say his name.

Hmm he'd probably faint if I give him one my high degree evil stares. Worth a try.

Or maybe give the evilest look I've perfected...he might just drop dead and I get to take over the DADA position.

Mwahahahhhaa.

Maybe not.

Well moving on...Rest of the meeting was predictable…Wrinkle face McGonagall was simpering as usual…while she was being busy Dumby's pet I sneaked a look at the students register.

Guess who was there in the ickle firsties list…

O Merlin ickle firsties..? I sound like peeves...Shudder.

I will amend that…pea brained midgets...Hmm not very good but classier.

Anyway there is another weasley on the list. Dear Merlin how many of them are there?

Personally I think their parents should just pop two-three of them in the lake. Preferably the identical twits.

Malfoy was also there. I bet he's exactly like his daddy dear. a ponce...Merlin the shinier the hair the lesser the brains..Hmm maybe I should nicer to my godson. But then its me, Severus Snape...Do you really expect better?

Coming to the main point. Potty junior is attending this year. Oh can make his life wait.

Bet he'll be in Gryffindor like his big headed father.

thinking about potty senior makes my blood boil...will think of something calming.

Gryffindor at least 50 points down on the first day...Terrifying the snot nosed midgets tomorrow...ahh bliss.

Also while making my usual spectacular exit...right in the middle of ol beaky nose's (McGonagall) speech…I'm sure I heard Hooch mutter greasy old bat…just you wait Hooch when you're on your flying pole you might just collide with the Whomping willow…mwahaaha...that'll teach you not to meddle with me..

Drat…Dumbledore would probably feed me to the squid if I did that…especially after the warning he gave me about not harming co-workers due to that one highly innocent incident where that moron Barret almost got hit by the suit of armor…hmph…and he called himself a defense teacher…and those stupid iron suits cant even do a simple task right…not that I had anything to do with it. Obviously.

And ill probably get I lecture on how bitter I am and I need to let go of past grudges along with those dratted sherbet lemons the old coot likes…shudder…

I don't which would be worse- the squid or the counseling session.

Plus grudges are best stewed for decades and then served piping hot…

Look out potter here I come..

Hmm people might be right…I am a little obsessed…oh well…everyone has faults.

Must take out black robes for tomorrow…with the high collar…more intimidating you see.

Anyway must go practice sneers and glares and then make up the deadly speech to terrify the little buggers.

**Great hall, welcoming feast.**

Oh Merlin…the noise level has reached epic proportions. I must be high yesterday to even look forward to this I'd give anything just to have my castle quite again. Even better without the big nosed meddling gryffindork head.

Chatter. Chatter…these students are annoyingly bigmouthed.

got a glimpse of the little twitchy midgets with mouths open like goldfishes...spotted pothead too. Looks exactly like I thought he would -a bigheaded prat.

Just had a nasty thought...what if scar-head gets sorted in Slytherin…Pothead Sr. would roll over in his grave…and that dratted twinkle would go out of the old codger's eyes...uh-uh but I don't think I'll benefit from taking points from my own house..

Potty better be a gryffindork...makes taking points all the sweeter.

Maybe can even get McGonagall have an aneurism this year…

Was roused from the pleasant daydream of that interfering ol biddy having an aneurism by Quirell…moronic flea…

Why do I get the stuttering moron next to me? What did I do to deserve this?

Ho-hum...he's trying to get a point across since the last 5minutes but has only reached "I think"…how can anyone even have a conversation with this gnat…no wonder he has a pet iguana.

He's giving me a headache now….even my best glare is not deterring him...hmm maybe I need to practice my glares again…don't tell me I'm loosing my touch.

Sneer...Good it still works...As always I, Severus Snape am the master of all…mwwahahahaha…

Oops got a dirty look from wrinkly prune McGonagall…Evil laugh was a little loud I guess…

Ah…The sorting. Cant stop glaring at pot brain…hand is inching of its own accord towards wand…must control homicidal urges…Will look at other sprogs.

Ginger and freckles. snort...has to be a Weasley…Gryffindork for sure…Though asked my opinion he doesn't belong here at all…

Buck toothed bushy girl positively stinks of being a know-it-all…O dear ill have to put up with her along with weasel and potty.

Shiny hair and no brains flanked by two boulders...Malfoy obviously...looks like a nancy boy…and those two boulder look-a-likes can only be the thickheads Crabbe and Goyle...

*groan* this lot is even more pathetic that oaf Hagrid's speech abilities. I hope I have enough firewhiskey to get through this year.

Ah blissful silence…can mean only one thing that turd is being sorted...ah Gryffindor…Ol Wrinkly is giving everyone smug glances...like we'd even want that pathetic poop in our houses...look at those duffus's cheering...lets see how much they cheer when I dock points of potty…ooh that sounded good...mwahahaah…

That Quirells proximity has given me a distinct garlic-y smell…Urgh….maybe could he could get 'accidentally' lost in the forest...hmmm…the possibilities…

Anyway I'm off to have potty torturing dreams...have to terrorize the sprogs tomorrow...

Welcome back…mwahahaaha...

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please review..pretty please..will bribe you. :)

love cherry.  
toddles.


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